Traveller's diary

Solitude vs. Loneliness

Solitude, by far, is a more ‘positive’ term than loneliness. Having gone through both these spells, I think I can do a pretty accurate analysis of the expressions for the good of others. A sententious overview:
‘Solitude’ refers to the state of being alone and the capacity to still enjoy the (intentional) lack of company.
‘Loneliness’ refers to a sad state which is a byproduct of dearth of friends or company.

Solitude is locking yourself in your room just to get away from the world and spend some quality time with yourself; to contemplate; to think; to realize what needs to be realized; to reconsider; to rejuvenate; to heal oneself. It’s almost always a result of personal whims. When does one feel the need for some solitude? After a break-up; a failure; before making an important decision; after a traumatic experience; a loners world… the reasons are umpteen and the list is endless.

Loneliness, on the contrary, is something that’s forced down our throats. An importunate condition, a gall issue. We never decide to be lonely ourselves… circumstances make that decision for us. Loneliness, in its worst form, leads to drastic changes in a person’s life, attitude and outlook. But in milder forms, it can have temporary repercussions that are usually forgotten overtime. What leads to loneliness? A bad temperament, failure, bile, a calamity, or basically any other thing that repels people away from us. Temporary repercussions? Lower levels of self worth and self-esteem, excessive drinking and smoking. Simple remedies: A good jog, a new hobby, blind idiot box worship, shopping spree, Internet surfing, sex, binge eating and a positive attitude and yeah! dare I not mention... RAFTING. All this and presto! We’re back to normalcy in no time!
Smell fresh wounds? Don’t get any ideas... Read on...

Now, this is all about loneliness that eventually evolved into solitude in its best form for me.
I have always enjoyed adventure and to a major extent people term me to be "rebellious for the sake of rebelling and daring for the heck of it". I enjoy it. I simply do. Hence rafting seemed one good option. I asked a person I had known for a long time and well enough to accompany me. She was not an adventurous person but wanted to kick life on its butt and agreed. We planned and planned and planned and just kept on planning and procrastinating (on her end). Meanwhile her colleagues planned a trip to Rishikesh and rafting seemed the best thing on earth to do there. So, our friend here, forgets me and the promises made to me (sniff! sob!) and ditches me on the rafting plan and enjoys her heart out. Now, yours truly feels very left out and asks her other friends to accompany her. Around seven of them agree and eventually a week before we were supposed to leave all of them start backing out one by one. On the morning of the scheduled trip, my last refuge complained of depression and backed out (Am sorry for being rude Sundar, but it wasn't me, it was my disappointment. Now I am not the sorts who would say "forget it! always a next time" easily. So I consult my confidant and a very good friend of mine back home in Chennai. When she nodded her head in approval (Thanks Umaa) with a dose of the usual "Be carefuls", I go as planned. ALONE. (See the bitter loneliness??)

I start from home on Friday evening telling folks that I am out on a trip and will be back by Sunday morning. No questions asked so things turned fairly better at home-front (I still don't have the faintest ides if they assumed I was out with friends or knew I was going alone.) I withdrew just enough money for surviving in an unknown land for two days and took a metro to ISBT and board an Uttaranchal State Transportation bus to Rishikesh at 7:30 p.m. (No luxury coaches. I denied myself of any luxuries throughout the trip.) The bus creaked and crawled and dumped me in Rishikesh by Saturday morning at around 2:30 AM with a broken-and-damaged-beyond-repair backbone. I take an auto to the only place I had heard of on that land : Sivananda Ashram knowing well enough that the ashram doors are not open but for prior booking. (I knew when I started from home that I didn't have a place to stay!! Daring, ain't I??) I see a hotel (the only one around for miles with a lamp burning in the reception) and bid adieu to the good auto-wallah with a crumpled note. I book a room for myself and spend the night writing my random thoughts in my diary. By the time I got over, it was dawn and Her Highness sets out for a royal bath in Ganges at something past five in the morning. I get back to the hotel in an hour with plans to go for rafting at around 8 a.m. and get over with it by 11ish, push of to Haridwar to see the famous and the much ado-ed Aarti. All went well till I had a royal bath and came back to the hotel with an idea of taking a 'short' nap. As it turned out to be, the short nap was till 10 in the morning and I hallucinated daddy dear screaming "LATE AGAIN!!". Out I jump of my bed and rush to wash my face, hurriedly pack my things and check out of the hotel to only wonder WHAT WAS the great hurry?? I had ample time till 7 in the evening. But the damage had been done and I had already settled the bills. So miss lonely heart, wanders about the place to see a nice looking office offering rafting (I hadn't booked for this either). I jump in and ask the guy if I could join the tribe. He replied in affirmative muttered something under his breath about lazy latecomers, puts me on the bike with his assistant and ushers me to a place called Shivpuri from where the journey down the Ganges on a raft was to be. I joined a raft with 7 others whom I didn't know existed a minute before. 5 of these made rafting journey memorable for me. The two others made it for me after the rafting. Those 5 guyz endlessly pulled each others legs and at a point when we were allowed to jump from our raft in the Ganges, we (me and they) became friends. We took some amazing pics and made merry till Ram Jhoola where the trip ended. There I realized that my phone was missing and came the knight and dame in shining armours to rescue yours truly. Captain Sunny (;-) Oops! Didnt he say Captain Dhruv Saraswat??) and his dame, Neha walked me through the rafting guy's office and the phone is found snuggled cosily in my bag. I was highly embarrassed and apologised and bingo! we became friends... They asked me if I had any plans ahead of me. When I replied affirmative and informed them of Haridwar, this utterly sweet couple got me in their car and "sunnily" (;-) ) drove to a jhaadi where me and Neha changed our wet clothes to drier ones behind a bush with Captain Dhruv guarding the place!! (Oh well! the guardians of the nation to guarding us .What a privilege ;-) )

We get talking and they drive to a dhabha and forced a lassi and some kheer down my throat. Immensely grateful! I haven't had anything to eat since then until now... And we were happily chatting our way through and dropped me some half the distance to Haridwar.
From there Ms. Lonely Hearts sets out walking (am sorry, Sunny and Neha) and comes by a bridge under which the Ganges was gurgling by offering a scenic view. I stop and get down the bridge and sit there alone for a while contemplating what needed to be contemplated upon. I bump across a gang of guyz who appeared to be friendly and they informed me that they were on their way to Har ki Pauri to watch the Aarti too. They offered me a lift and I found them decent enough, so acquiesced. We happily drove to Haridwar and I bid adieu to these guyz and walked my way to a holy dip in the Ganges (again!). The Aarti was breathtaking (needless to say) and I found my way to the bus adda, boarded the first available bus to Delhi and reached Kaushambhi Depot at 3:00 a.m.; took an auto back home. Arrived at 3:45 a.m., threw my backpack aside did my friends, the honour of giving them a first hand information. It's something like 6:00 a.m. now I need to catch up with the much needed sleep.
A last word, guyz who promised and ditched me on the trip. If you are reading this, I am thankful to you for NOT coming. It was more fun without you people. I just realized I could have as much, rather more fun with myself. Thank you Mrs. Kala... I love you for this and everything else... (See, what solitude does to you?? :-) )

P.S. : This goes to all those who pushed me to live my life my way. Thank you Umaa... Mrs Kala, as always, kudos!